by Scottie Joines
O Lord, I beg You, let Your ear be open to the prayer of Your servant, and to the prayer of Your servants who delight to fear Your name. And I beg You, bless Your servant today and grant him mercy before this man. For I was cupbearer to the king. (Neh 1:11)
Nehemiah was about to go before the King, and he prayed for favor from the King. I recall times when I would pray the Lord grant me favor in my husband’s eyes before I would try to talk to him about relationship issues. The cupbearer to the King was a position that allowed Nehemiah to be in direct contact with not only the King, but his wife as well. As family members, we are in positions that are esteemed by trust. We must always try to remember that trust damaged or lost is the hardest thing to recover once lost. If we have trust with the one we love, we should take care to guard it diligently.
And the king granted it to me, according to the good hand of my God on me. (Neh 2:8)
Here we see that the King has granted Nehemiah’s request to rebuild the City because God’s hand is upon him. Not only that, but in answer to Nehemiah’s prayers the King is sending officers, horsemen, and arranging to acquire building materials. I believe that if we pray God’s will, God will answer “Yes!” To want to rebuild a relationship based on the love taught to us by Jesus Christ is a big “YES!” if I have ever heard one!
And Sanballat the Horonite and Tobiah the servant, the Ammonite, heard. And it grieved them greatly that a man had come to seek the good of the sons of Israel. (Neh 2:10)
Enter, the enemy. Here is two guys who do not want the City rebuilt. Now, there’s not just “talk” going on about rebuilding, there was an actual “agreement” or a “plan”. This grieved them greatly. Dare I say that they began to get a little worried? Having an agreed upon plan by two people who were formerly divided and in chaos is downright grievous to the enemy to say the least. When a believer finally gets to that point where they put their foot down, draw the boundary lines and say, “No more!” and begins to pray and take steps forward on God’s path, expect some evil ears to get perked up.
Then I went up in the night by the torrent, and examined the wall, and turned back, and entered by the Valley Gate, and returned. (Neh 2:15)
After Nehemiah was there three days, he went out secretly in the night to survey the damage. He told no one what he was up to, he just went quietly out to see exactly where the breaches in the wall were. He found Jerusalem wasted, with it’s gates burned down with fire. (Neh 2:17)
Surveying the damage that has been done to our relationships is certainly not going to be the most pleasant part of this process, but it’s a very necessary one if you are serious about “repairing the damage”. This is especially hard if there is hostility and anger present. Is there communication? Are you even able to talk about the issues without becoming offended and making the situation worse? Is trust destroyed? Has there been lies or adultery? The issues have to be placed on the table and dealt with. If there is a situation in which communication is completely gone, outside help will be necessary. My suggestion would be to schedule “meeting times” to talk to each other with a third party quietly present so that boundaries aren’t crossed and it is more likely that you stick to the issues without starting the “blame game” or some other such self-defeating behavior.
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