Rebuilding the Family Unit: Instructions from the Book of Nehemiah part 4

by Scottie Joines

In part 3 of this series, we left off at Nehemiah 2:20, where Nehemiah told his enemies that God will prosper them, His servants, and that they would arise and build! We talked about standing up together as a family against the enemies that will arise when we try to rebuild our relationships and pray together.

All of Nehemiah chapter 3 is devoted to the details of the building of the walls, the towers, and the gates. It says they “consecrated the gate and hung its doors”; they also “consecrated the wall”. (Neh 3:1)

When I looked the word consecrate up in the original Hebrew, it is a verb that means “to sanctify, prepare, dedicate, be hallowed, be holy, be sanctified, be separate, to be treated as cleansed and holy” (NASB Hebrew-Greek Study Bible w/strong’s). So, each wall or gate that we rebuild in our relationships should be treated as cleansed and holy. What does that actually mean?

Back when Nehemiah went out secretly to access the damage in Nehemiah 2:15, I talked about how we have to access the damage in our relationships before we can begin to rebuild. The areas identified where the enemy has attacked us and stolen from us will need to be rebuilt and consecrated and treated as holy! For example, say one or both partners have participated in adultery of any kind, physical, emotional, or porn and realize that this has caused a breach in their relationship causing loss of trust. That part of the relationship will need to be sealed off, prayed about and treated as holy until the breach is rebuilt completely. All things associated with the damage will have to be destroyed, such as anything that would even cause any doubt whatsoever in their partners mind.

Doing things to build trust and living transparently at all times without being offended about it will be necessary for trust to be rebuilt. I believe that you are always building trust of some kind at all times. What can your loved ones always trust you to do? We want to pray that the Lord will make those things more like Him.

This concept can and should be applied to all weak areas in our lives. I have found that the biggest problem most relationships have and may not even know it is damaged communication. Being able to communicate intense feelings with respect and dignity while expecting the same can be quite challenging. If you recognize that when you try to discuss things with your family member you become so angry or irritated that you raise your voice or are tempted to get violent, it’s time to learn to communicate in a more effective way. Here’s just a few of the many verses in the Bible about our tongues:

• Pro 25:15 In being slow to anger, a ruler is persuaded; and a soft tongue shatters the bone.
• Pro 31:26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the law of kindness is on her tongue.
• Jeremiah 9:8 Their tongue is a murdering arrow; it speaks deceit. One speaks peace with his neighbor with his mouth, but in his heart he sets his ambush.
• James 3:8 but no one of men is able to tame the tongue; it is an unrestrainable evil, full of death-dealing poison.