Rebuilding the Family Unit: Instructions from the Book of Nehemiah part 1

by Scottie Joines

The Book of Nehemiah is about the rebuilding of the City of Jerusalem, the fortification, and the establishment of civil authorities.  As I was reading the Book of Nehemiah, I was amazed at the similarities between the rebuilding of the City and a rebuilding process that is taking place within my life at this time, particularly one of rebuilding the marriage and family unit into one that is built on the Chief Cornerstone with a solid foundation, not easily shaken.  It is as if the Lord is giving us instructions for rebuilding HIS way.

If you have been following our journey since last year on this blog, you know that the plan we started out with has been drastically altered.  The building plans that we started with have been tossed out and I believe that God is submitting a set of blueprints of His own. I will try and apply the principles that can be found in Nehemiah chapters 1-6 here over the next few days in a way that may be of some help for those of us that just don’t know what to do anymore for their relationships.  I must mention that until both partners are willing to rebuild, you may have the instructions, but the marriage won’t be rebuilt.  The city won’t build itself.  My advice in that situation is to lean on the Lord for all your needs and never cease to pray because He is a God of restoration and reconciliation and He hates divorce. (Mal 2:16)

Nehemiah was cup-bearer to King Artaxerxes around the year 460 B.C. in Susa.  When he hears of Jerusalem being destroyed, he begins to mourn and cry out to God.

And they said to me, The remnant that are left of the captivity there in the province are in great evil and shame. The wall of Jerusalem also is broken down, and its gates are burned with fire.  (Neh 1:3)

 The parallel that the Lord draws to me here is one of a marriage in complete devastation.  Too many things have been said, too many things have been done, there just seems like there is no hope at all.  You have tried it all, including marriage counseling and nothing has worked.  It seems like there is nothing to do but grieve.

And it happened, when I heard these words, I sat down and wept, and mourned for days, and fasted, and prayed before the God of Heaven.  (Neh 1:4)

The first thing the Word says that Nehemiah did was mourn and PRAY.  He cried out to God and confessed the sins of Israel, himself and his family.  Nehemiah interceded to the God of Heaven for his entire family. (Neh 1:6)  Nehemiah got specific here as well.  He confessed corruption and not keeping the commandments. (Neh 1:7) 

The first thing we must do when we finally realize that our relationship is in utter ruin is to PRAY and confess all sin, specifically.  I am one that believes that the “Please Lord forgive all my sins.” Is not the catch-all, convenient, fast way to do this.  It’s about being humble enough to feel truly sorry (or ask God for the gift of true repentance) and acknowledging the damage our sins have caused.