What Are You Looking For?

by Steve Ferber

What am I looking for? A lot of times I don’t really know….all I really know is that something isn’t quite right. There has to be a reason for feeling this way. Maybe I’ve done something wrong, made somebody mad at me. This is where the blame game starts, first myself then I move on to situations in my life, then blaming others for how I feel. I don’t know about you, but placing blame never brings a lasting inner peace. And isn’t inner peace what we are all looking for?

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS… a basic American right! As Americans we have this Constitutional right. We even try to export this philosophy to the rest of the world. There are many paths to happiness, I suppose at least as many as there are different people in this world. I think that the easiest path to chose is the one that has been successful for other people, especially if it works for many. Then why has this not worked for me? I did all the right things, the fruit of my labor is good. But something is still missing. Well…..evidently I was wrong about this. I have solved part of the puzzle, I just need to find the other pieces. OK, now I have a plan, I just have to follow it. You’ve heard the saying, “Failure to plan is a plan for failure.”

Been working on this puzzle for some time now, some pieces have fit in quite well while others…lets just say that I write them off to experience. I’m feeling better about myself now, seems like “I’ve got my act together”. Then why is it that at times I still feel like there is something missing? The bible tells us that we are a “work in progress”, that the work of sanctification is an ongoing process. I guess that’s why I feel this way sometimes, it’s just part of the life process that we all go thru.

Once again I find myself in familiar territory. It seemed like a new career path had been opened up for me. I walked into that opportunity and it has been working out good. Even though it feels good to have purpose in that part of my life it has not come without a price. Working away from home is not easy for me, I miss Tammy and the kids, I even miss Duke, that crazy golden retriever that would lay on my lap every night, whether I needed it or not.

I have had a longing inside me; one which I thought was just about family.  But it’s more than that, I long for that close relationship with the Lord. In recent years I have walked thru some very difficult situations and thru that God had revealed to me what “peace that passes understanding” really means. I can’t describe to you what that feels like, but I can tell you that without it life is not complete. It is the foundation that all other things in our life depends on.

This intimate relationship with God the Father does not come without a cost. This cost is far more valuable that money, possessions or time served in doing God’s work. It costs you your perception of who you are and who God is. I have found that at a time of total surrender to Him, then I was able to experience peace that passes understanding. My own striving had ceased, my outlook in life had completely changed.

There is a song by U2 that captures part of what I’m trying to get across: I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For, released in 1987. I have listened to that song many times and didn’t get the full meaning until now. I can tell you that I have found what I was looking for, keeping it is not easy.

This “peace that pass’s understanding” is not an elusive creature that is hard to capture nor is it something I attain thru study and hard work. It is a gift from God, one that comes only from total surrendering your life to Him. Scripture tells us that we should have a child like faith, for me that means a total trust in God, even when I don’t understand.

Scripture also tells me that I should pick up my cross daily. For Christ that meant the ultimate sacrifice…. His life. Should it mean any less for me? We do not have to die physically to attain God’s peace, rather spiritually and emotionally. This is the harder part, for once I die I am in heaven with Him where all things are perfect. I know many people who long to leave this life to be with God, and that’s fine, but I am not there. I long for an intimate relationship with God now, on this earth. In some ways this is selfish because I so much enjoy that inner peace that passes understanding. But I also know that we who call ourselves Christians are to be servants of Christ and witness’s to Gods love and power. What better thing can I model to the world than a peaceful spirit, no matter what the circumstance. It is thru my trials and hardships that people will see His peace in me, maybe it will spark a longing in them.